At first I was afraid but, I like the way you look at me..
I like the way you held my hand
I like the way you pulled me close
I like the way you stroke my back
I like the tingling sensations down my spine....
I like it when you kiss my forehead
I like it when you kiss my cheek
I like it when you kiss my lips
I like it better when you kiss my neck..
I love running my fingers on your chest
I love touching your stubby chin
I love stroking you too...
Kiss me here and I'll touch you there...
I love it when you ease my mind
I love it when you call me baby
I love waking you up in the middle of the night
I love it when you grab me.. everywhere..
I love your weight on me
I love being on top
I love being by your side
I love having you...
Can I have you every morning, afternoon and night?
Nothing beats your gentleness
Nothing beats you holding my bag when I'm drunk (and I know you hate it)
Nothing beats wiping away my tears
Nothing beats having you cook for me
Nothing beats spending time with you
Nothing beats waking up next to you
Nothing beats having you in my heart...
"Why me?" You asked.
"I dunno." I answered.
Actually, I remembered telling you, "Because my heart said so.."
If only what we can see and feel is real
Heaven must be an illusion
If heaven is a place on earth
I found my little piece of Heaven
Labels: Heaven is when I'm with you..
Love can make ppl kill.
It can drive ppl crazy..
It can hurts so so much..
It's considered one of the
worst destruction of this world..
But overall, it is because of love..
that He died for us.. a simple word
called love..
Why cant I demonstrate His love
out... Why am I always doing things
wrong when I actually wanted it
to be good...
why isnt there anybody to guide me..
Labels: time will heal.. but the scar will remain..
Bye ppl..
Will be at tekong from this tue till sat.
and it's gonna be another super boring
week again there.
I thought I would feel better letting
some things go.. but it's not that way.
I'm feeling so disappointed that I can
actually lose to one asshole, and can
do nothing bout it cause she likes
talking and being with him more than
me. I seriously wan to let him off but
I cant.. it seems so impossible to do it.
I kept having this feeling that once
I have settled him, then will I finally
be able to rest in peace... Hope that
I can achieved my only One goal in life
now.. and let me finish it asap..
I have suffered mentally for a very long
time.. and it's time to end it soon.
Labels: why is it still so fucking painful...
still cant accept the fact that
that asshole can enter her blog
while i cant.. fuck it...
He'll still be dead one day.
Labels: he's definitely more important
I had enough of being stopped
to read that person's blog while
ppl can just freely come and read
mine and comment bout it.
I'm locking the blog tonight.
Labels: guess things will still be the same.. fuck it
today when i first stepped into the sanctuary,
i realised that around half of them arent my
friends... guess i really have that little friends.
maybe lcor isnt really suitable for me
anymore..
Labels: is not to be.., what used to be
Didnt expect what has happened to happen.
Last nite her family and Pst lee came over
to my house, and I had a talk with Pst lee..
It's just so sad to lose a Pst like him, and we
cant even do anything to help him.. useless
arent we?
He told me, Let go of what U're struggling to
have now, and u will have a even bigger blessing.
But what he didnt know was that I dont want
any other blessing.. All i simply want is just her.
And wanting that to happen seems like wanting
the whole world.
I dont want anything else besides her.. only her..
But when the feeling is gone, it is gone.. nothing
can ever bring it back. Why does humans have
to be that way.. Why did God let them be this way??
Can He take away all the unnecessary things in
our minds and just let there be love in this world?
I'm Ah Bao, aka Gaara.. (The lonely and unloved)..
Labels: simplicity... that's what matters most..
Anyway tomorrow's another reason
for why I'm feeling so fucked up now.
It's SATURDAY And I have to Go
outfield for the whole day till nite!
WHAT THE FUCK!
MAY GOD FUCK LEE KUAN YEW,
LEE HSIEN LONG,
ALL POLICE OFFICERS,
ALL ARMY OFFICERS,
FUCK THIS COUNTY AND
IT'S STUPID LAWS THAT GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH GOD...
OSAMA OR MAS SELAMAT, PLEASE
FASTER COME AND GIVE THIS PATHETIC
COUNTRY SOME OF UR BEAUTIFUL
BOMBINGS NOW!!! THIS COUNTRY'S
REAL PATHETIC AND IT NEEDS TO WAKE
UP.. BOMB THE WHOLE COUNTRY AND
LET EVERYONE DIE..
Labels: Nobody deserves to live....
Anyone knows why my song only
play for so short? cause i dont have
such close friends like someone who
keep telling him to change song or
saying him nice song whatever bullshit.
Wtf is wrong with imeem?
WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING WRONG??
FUCK!
Recently has been very pissed off,
and get angry very easily by lil things..
like when using com and suddenly the
program lags a bit, i'll feel like hitting
something, wanting to destroy the com..
I've also been hoping to kill all the
officers in my camp, those trying to make
my life hard, trying to ruin it..
The moment someone says HER name
in front of me, like what my mother did,
i'll feel super angry too, and i want to
destroy her too... but she's still my mother
so i didnt do anything, just walked over to my
door and locked it..
Life's so FRUSTATING!!!
Why is He so unfair?
Why are some ppl born rich and some poor?
Why are some normal and some handicapped?
Why are some happy and some sad??
WHY IS HE SO FUCKING UNFAIR???
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE CREATED JUST
TO SUFFER ALL THESE RUBBISH?
Labels: i swear i'll kill myself like Jin Long did.., If i had a gun
I know I've been doing the wrong things
all these while, but what else can I do?
I mean, even if i start doing good things,
the result will still be the same...
I've been doing wrong things since I was
a kid, and all those painful memories
really hurt a lot when I'm reminded of
them.. But it's pain and bad experience
that makes a Person mentally strong, never
give up even when making wrong decisions..
All the bad things I've done and received
till now has taught me never to trust anyone
even friends, for no one, not even a person
that I considered my best friend.. can do a
simple thing for me. They will just keep
rejecting when I need help, because they are
afraid of the consequences, of whether will
what I am doing, affect them too.. Selfish isnt it?
Well, i think a lot of ppl would want me
to leave church now cause I've been giving
problems, and they want to help that person.
It's ok.. they have the right to choose who
they take as friends too. I will go, dont worry.
I will slowly disappear, and then this church
will be happy again, free from this trouble maker.
Labels: Why do I still love ppl who keep failing me..
All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night
I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share
In my heart, I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you untill the very end
In this world, there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it all
I know that you've come to see that
You're the one till the end
All my friend around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby, I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home
In my heart, I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world, there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
And through it all I know that you've come to see that
You're the one till the end
We'll always be till the end
Labels: But will never come true...
I'll be locking my blog on 1st May,
cause nobody whom i dont trust
will then be able to read what I posted,
and there wont be so many unnecessary problems.
Really had enough of it.. Life's just that sad isnt it?
Why 1st may? Maybe let my True friends, or
those wanting to know more bout my life be more
sincere, instead of just taking my blog for granted
ba.. Just that simple..
Labels: so hurting..
Hmmm.. What i did today?
Well, while waiting for bus outside
camp, saw this large Centipede moving
along the path, and I stomp it to death.
Hate centipedes to the core Man!!!
The 105 i took home was quite amazing..
It had a big tv, and ALL the seats were
sofa-like... Means not like the usual hard
cusion lo.. Even buses are getting more and
more comfortable huh.. hahaha
I'll be going to TEKONG for outfield again
next tue-sat (SIANZ!!!) and I really hate it..
Cant really live without my com for a day.
Finish talking bout my boring life,
and if u want to know anything else..
Just ask me in msn! Tata..
Labels: All i can do, is pretend she's not around..
This afternoon, evening, and night, there was a lot
of different numbers calling my phone.. even to my
house.. zzzzz Well, I dont like answering calls from
unknown ppl, and I only answer calls when I feel
like it.. so what did i do? I gladly diverted them to
my very friendly voicemail, which I've recorded
a greeting for them. Hope they enjoyed it.
Did any asshole gave my number out to public
to disturb me? I dont know, and I dont care..
They're only wasting their own time. hahaha
Just passed my Practical 8.01, last assessment
today... was sooo happy and relieved, cause My TP
test is on 5th may so I have to pass this 8.01 before
21st.. Luckily I did tonight, because I prayed? should
be ba..
Nowdays dont really have any pics to upload cos
i'm using Sony Ericsson w950i, which is a non
camera phone.. so jia lat lor army.. zzzz
But my life still sucks la..
Nothing's ever improving, but most of the
things are turning bad.. or have stayed bad
all these months. It's really driving me to my
grave, and wished I will be dead soon. TOo
much for me to handle..
God : In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Labels: God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
After several months of hard work and endurance,
Er jie's effort finally paid off.. What is it?
Her First baby girl was born on April 11th!!
The name's Grace, and maybe the chinese name
will be En Ci (Dunno the meaning in english.. Merciful?)
But anyway it sounded nice, and was given by Da jie...
She gave birth at Mt Alvernia Hospital, a catholic
hospital and the nurses there were quite friendly,
all of them were aunties, so dont think so much.. zzz
Not sure whether is the reason because that She's
staying in a 1-person suite room or not....
The baby's cute and fragile, so i didnt carry it yet..
But it's quite happy to see a new born coming to
this world isnt it? Except that She'll grow up to
face the cruel world herself..
Anyway she got lots of visitors and even the suite
room is not big enough to accomodate everyone.
hahahaha
After seeing the new family so happy,
suddenly felt like having one too.. but it seems
impossible. haha..
Labels: Good things dont happen to everybody..
I've changed my thinking...
Oh yes i did.
I wont say things bout her anymore,
cause she has the freedom to do whatever
she wants..
The only thing i wanna do now is to get
rid of that boy, cos he's a pain in my ass..
Hope God will deliver him into my hands..
=)
A person with a Green Heart is a person capable of indulging in self assertion. Such people are usually the envious type. They make aggressive lovers and normally enjoy rash driving. They are possessive, yet positive and a wee bit self centred.
hahaha.. so true huh..
I still waiting for the rash driving part though.
I'm possessive, but negative,
and only a lil bit self centred..
Guess that's better than ppl who only
cares for themselves?
Hope so...
Labels: He took away the thing I loved...
My logic bout friends?
-You're either with me, or against me..
Simple isnt it?..
Only 2 choices.. to be or not to be.
Well, some people chose not to be,
cause maybe she's a better friend to
them and so they find it easier not to
be mine. Cant be blame. I didnt grow
up in lcor too.
Out of 10 friends I have in lcor,
8 of them are already on her side..
which means aint my friends anymore.
But it's ok..
they didnt really take me as friend
anyway. they prefer to be with the
so called band leader cause he's the
joker. anyway that joker is also on my
wanted list.. so guess i'll be busy soon.
1 of the 10 commandments,
Do not murder... I used to worry bout
this thing cause I didnt want to go to
hell. but now I'm not afraid anymore..
cause when He died for us, the only commandment
that we required to do is to love Him, believe Him,
and be baptized in His name. Guess that really
took a load off my mind...
I wont blog anything bad bout that bitch
anymore, cause she wont get affected by it.
hahaha.. She's like in a world only with that
asshole, and doing whatever shit they want.
Well, guess that asshole is quite lucky.. cause
she does really like bananas, or should i call
it sausages.. Why do i know? well, I didnt
spend 1 year together doing nothing..
As for the rest, hope that He will continue
to plan for me what I should do to settle them.
That He'll give me the strength to do what
I need to do, and also the wisdom to do it.
Pray for me, those of u who are with me..
otherwise, just go fuck urself and get lost.
Labels: someone will pay for this.. =)
Now i realise all my church friends are actually
all so fucked up.. Everybody's helping her, and
think that she's really the good person she used
to be.. fuck them all.
I've been throwing friends that are helping her
away, and there are actually quite a number of
them.. why the fuck are they helping her..
because she was in church longer than i was?
fuck them all.
i'll make them regret one day too.
Labels: they will all perish together..
Holding hands used to be sooo simple and easy that time...
But now, It seems to be the hardest thing to do on this world.
tears can fall anytime, but the important thing is
who is it falling for..
Once, I had a very beautiful tatoo ..
But when i chose to erase it, it may be gone..
but the scar will always remain there forever.
Wanting the most important thing in my life
now to happen, is just like some people who wants
to go back to their younger days - it's impossible.
Someone close to me told me this recently -
If He/she was given to me by Him, that person
will still be mine no matter what.
But if He/she isnt, then He wouldnt have placed
them in my life on the very first time.
My replies? they were..
It doesnt matter if that person was given to you
by Him or not.. Even if that person was given to
you by Him, He'll still be able to take it away if
you do not know how to cherish it.
Why do i say that?
Cos He's already taken mine away...
and anything that u do not treasure,
He will not give it to u a second time.
That's my biggest regret.
Labels: If I could only turn back time..
She's gone..
I mean the old person i knew....
The one who's loving, caring, innocent, cute, sincere..
She's totally gone.
God will be the judge..
Things are ever changing..
I have change from the wrong way.
Now it's your turn.
Labels: why is the cloud raining my tears?
Now then i realised i dont really know who she is..
She was wearing a mask all the way since the day
I met her.. Acting innocent, good, caring, loving..
Her acting was damn good..
it was until now, do i realise that she's a total bitch.
But it's ok..
I got caught up with a bitch,
But I guess I also had enough fun with it.
If she wants to remain one, then let her be..
Maybe it'll satisfy her sexual desire..
with that person she's close to now..
God is with me,
No one can be against me.
Labels: for she loves to be screwed., screw her
Why does it seems so hard to make new friends?
Why is it that I feel so connected to people who dont
bother the least bout me?
Why am I trying to love someone who only cares
bout the other person?
Why am i born and created by Him just to suffer
in this world?
Throwing true love aside, why cant I even find
some true friends?
There's tons of WHYs in my life, always..
My life aint as fortunate as others, neither
is it as blessed as others.
It's even hard for me to want to die now
because I'm a God damn christian..
A lot of things are always filling up my mind,
but none of it will have a good outcome.
There are no comedies in my life, for it has
all been filled with tragedies..
Ever since I was a kid, there were no meaning
to live life on.. Until I found something, but
it eventually turned out bad too..
I have been struggling since a kid, but God
doesnt even care. He just want me to keep
suffering and struggling.
Anyone out there mind ending my life for me
now? If one day u too feel like dying, please
take me with you. I'll be grateful.
Labels: The only wish I have.. Is a death wish.
time to clear off ppl from my msn list..
especially those fake friends i have all
these while. cant believe I actually trusted
them for so long.. guess humans are really
deceiving creatures that God created.
Why does it always go wrong? friends i tot
i had, never really existed.. everyone's wearing
a fake smile on their faces.
And from today on, I've decided that she's not
worthy to be part of my life anymore too.
She likes being with other boys, going out and
chatting with em, it's her problem.
She just cant live without that asshole,
even when I asked her to stop contacting him
when we're together.. she's just so attached to
him.. too bad she doesnt like giving BJs...
otherwise she would have given that asshole a good one.
But she didnt like it in the past doesnt mean she
doesnt like it now right? I dunno..
Maybe she has already given him some.
I know i've been doing the wrong thing since start,
but i dont really like doing things halfway..
so I'll continue doing the wrong things
until everything has come to an end..
How do i make things happen? i also dunno.
Just waiting for God to deliver him into my hands.
Pray for me too k? haha..
I'm still waiting, waiting how many other ppl
from lcor should i cancel off my list of friends.
It's all expected anyway right? but it's ok..
one day when I am able to destroy him, I'll destroy
those fake friends with him..
haha..
Ah bao talking cock again.. yawnz..
sleepy, tired, numb to being upset and
feeling down le.
Labels: tears have long been used up...