After you left, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

My Immortal - Evanescence
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designer Dancing Sheep
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now i realise...
nothing i do, can make things better
Love was the cause of everything,
whether good or bad. But no one knows,
all they see and feel is that everything
i do is just wrong. I thought they were
friends who understand but they seems
to be outsiders, judging by actions
and outer surface... they dont even care
how u feel inside.

nothing is really going well for me
this whole life.. even people younger than
me are having jobs, girlfriends, cars....
They have such a fulfilling life while I
have totally wasted 23 years old my life,
Especially now, when the one that made the
biggest impact in my life is the one that's
making my life worst...

Everyday, u'll hear me saying of dying dying..
I really want to die, because there aint no
more meaning in life.. Ppl around me have
good friends, partners, spouses... and are
either dip or deg holders, if they cant study
here they simply go overseas... it's just like
so simple for them to do it.
Me? I cant even go overseas for a trip if i
want to.. let alone going there for few years.
Just my luck to be born in this family, this
pathetic world.

I really really still feel like dying..
It seems to be the goal of my life everyday..
And though I cant really kill myself, but there
are always other ways. that's why I'm getting
a bike when i can. Ppl always say ride bike
for what.. die faster ah.. well, it's real.
If getting a bike can die faster, why not?
I'll speed all the way and dont check for on-
coming cars... that's easy isnt it? hahaha...

and when i'm dead, i seriously dont want
any fake friends coming to my wake..
If You're not interested in being my friend
when i'm alive, then all the more u can fuck
off when i'm dead. Dont act like u're such
a good friend or whatsoever... I'll definitely
write down a list of names of my fake friends
to my cousin and ask him to make sure nobody
in the list comes.

Guess i'm just like the real ah bao..
who dont have any trust worthy friends..

Labels: Why do i keep forgetting that Ah BaO is meant to be alone...